OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
