I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
