In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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