I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
