I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
