sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
