bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
