ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
