At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
