he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
