We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize