Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
