I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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