Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
