I could make wine with my vomit
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
