Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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