This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Of course I have a pirate flag
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
