so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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