Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
