Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
