Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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