Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
