Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
