Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
