we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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