I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Never underestimate the power of titties
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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