This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
