omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
