Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And then he peed in my hair
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