The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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