R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.