She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.