The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments