it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.