Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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