Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

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  (410): sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well http://tfl.nu/vcbo
  Replies (27) Good night (768) Bad night (4788)
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  (714): View more from California

  He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher

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  (714): He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher http://tfl.nu/npc9
  Replies (21) Good night (1100) Bad night (6452)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...

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  (708): For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night... http://tfl.nu/rl66
  Replies (9) Good night (3297) Bad night (764)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.

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  (360): He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish. http://tfl.nu/ae8m
  Replies (11) Good night (3090) Bad night (690)
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  (415): View more from California

  just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.

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  (415): just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover. http://tfl.nu/scdy
  Replies (6) Good night (3231) Bad night (922)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight

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  (314): The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight http://tfl.nu/sdqv
  Replies (7) Good night (4064) Bad night (750)
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  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

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  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2220) Bad night (581)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.

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  (832): Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage. http://tfl.nu/2oqv
  Replies (1) Good night (2136) Bad night (736)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.

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  (601): I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/oz16
  Replies (1) Good night (1599) Bad night (808)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

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  (202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd
  Replies (10) Good night (1905) Bad night (494)
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  (714): View more from California

  he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now

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  (714): he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now http://tfl.nu/kusn
  Replies (12) Good night (2254) Bad night (524)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.

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  (303): Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos. http://tfl.nu/xwgl
  Replies (5) Good night (683) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.

  (858): View more from California

  Where did he get the tophat?

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  (858): we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat. (858): Where did he get the tophat? http://tfl.nu/1w08
  Replies (5) Good night (841) Bad night (230)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th

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  (307): Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th http://tfl.nu/6ns8
  Replies (5) Good night (488) Bad night (190)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit

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  (610): He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit http://tfl.nu/33or
  Replies (0) Good night (589) Bad night (181)

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