I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
