I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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