Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
