You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
