After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
