he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
