I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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