Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize