there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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