I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
