I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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