he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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