thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
