Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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