you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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