its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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