I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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