i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
