I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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