im drinking this country out of the recession.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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