were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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