if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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