Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
