You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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