Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
