Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
