When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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