He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
