I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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