so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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